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People usually addresses me as Chantel. Turned 17 on 18th June 92. Currently living + studying in Sydney. I used to be an Event organizer for night parties in Sg.

I am a divorcee, once married & divorced. I had my own baby, but aborted.You can call me cruel, heartless. But i still know my baby will live within me forever.

Chantel's story
19th May 09 - MY little baby existence♥!
25th May 09 - Bby proposed to me!
17th June 09 - Our Registration of Marriage!
22nd June 09 - see our baby scanning!
27th June 09 - My baby left me.
3rd July 09 - Wedding cancelled


read My pregnancy story***


You can mail me at:
forgetmetonight3@hotmail.com



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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009
Goodbye, my dearest baby.



i reached my specialist centre with my sister and mummy today at 8.15am, quite early..I slept at 4am in the morning..writing everything down on the book. How i felt that time..how i wished all these didn't happened..Tears came by, and thinking about the times i found out my pregnancy..and this little angel enlightened my life..and this angel is going to change my whole life..but a mummy like me, can't become a perfect mummy for this baby..i'm really sorry..i know my baby hates me for that.

Doc Tan came, she's my doctor. I did the last ultrascan for baby, and Doc Tan gave me the scan picture..though can't really see, because its only 5weeks and 4days old. This is my last picture of my baby.
I can't see your face, i don't know you gender, i can't feel you, i can't touch or hug you, i can't talk to you..but i can only love you.

Then i couldnt help it, but to cry again..how i hope he was here to see the scan with me..but just fuck it la okay. Doc Tan still asked me again if i want to do this...i hesitate for a moment..but still moved on with the abortion..my baby cannot have a daddy like this..The abortion took quite fast..1st trimester only like 20mins..2nd trimester40mins plus..1st trim, she injected me... 2nd trim, she insert a tablet vaginally. and inject me again...then stomach cramps came..doc tell me the baby is reacting to the tablet..told me to get prepared..then she used something to mash it...waa fuck i feel like dying. then everything including baby and my blood all came out in liquid form...i cannot believe it..Doc told me not to see...but i saw. I seriously cried like fucking that i can't catch my breath..Another nurse came in told me to relax.. HOW THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO RELAX. SEEING MY BABY IN LIQUID FORM. I MURDERED MY OWN BABY...

Doc Tan inject me again so i won't feel the pain..but will be side effects for the next one month..

By 9.40am, my baby..is gone. Gone from me, gone forever. No longer living in my womb..no longer. I cried all the way home with the picture of my scan...saw that guy downstairs my house crying too..he will never understand how it felt..how i felt and how our baby felt..Mummy chased him away..and went back home...Christina and mummy cried in the room with me..I'm really sorry..for making my whole family like this..fuck it. I really want to be a cheerful and happy Chantel..but..i'll try..

It's 2.53am, i dare not to sleep..because i will see baby scolding me when i sleep..i'm really restless and tired..sorry to my friends who've been calling me but i didnt switch on my phone..i'm really tired..really..