I am a divorcee, once married & divorced. I had my own baby, but aborted.You can call me cruel, heartless. But i still know my baby will live within me forever.
19th May 09 - MY little baby existence♥!
25th May 09 -
17th June 09 -
22nd June 09 - see our baby scanning!
27th June 09 - My baby left me.
3rd July 09 - Wedding cancelled
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Face the reality.
I have been hiding from Joe. Although he was looking for me high and low. To those readers reading my blog, may think i'm a heartless girl. Inhuman person. Because i decided to cancel our wedding, and abort our baby away. This is of course not because of the Celine with Joe. It's because Celine had already lost her virgin to Joe. I can't accept any words Joe said to me anymore.
I visited my doctor 2days ago..and told her everything..She's very sad to hear that because i told her, i wanted an abortion. Though she tried to persuade me, i've made up my mind. My abortion is on 27th June, Saturday 8.30am. I really feel like ending my life..I murder my own, very first baby. I know i'm selfish for not giving baby a chance to live. But i can't have a baby without a daddy. And knowing his daddy had an affair outside just before our wedding. I'm really sorry baby.
Last night, i talked to Joe's family with his presence. Explained to them..and his family scolded him like serious fcuking shit. His mummy cried..and apologized to me. It wasn't her fault..what must she say sorry to me for the sake of his son? It's pointless. Even Joe ran after me, after i left..i told him i can't carry on with him anymore..It's my first time seeing him cry that he coudlnt breathe a word..If he really love me, why did he even got involved with Celine and took her virgin? I returned him the ring..and our house keys.
I went back home, and told my sister about it first..Shes angry at Joe at first..then cried with me..I made so many people cried..Went into daddy's room and tell him and mummy..Daddy called him up and want Joe to explain..but he was still crying..Daddy and mummy scolded him too..my sister scolded him as well..But thankfully i have such wonderful family :) Daddy and mummy is willing me to go for abortion and cancel the whole damn fcuking thing.
After abortion, my family and i will be moving to Sydney. And i might not be coming back again..This little island is full of hatreds and tears. I had to leave, no matter what...
//
This might be my last post talking about Joe. I know he will read this.
From the day i met you, from the day we've been together. One whole year, i thought we will be happy parents watching our baby grow for the next few years. The day you came all the way from your work just to fetch me, because its raining heavily. The day you came with all the food when i told you i havent had my dinner.. The day you rushed from your work knowing that i was admitted to Hospital..The day you came to fetch me to school knowing my bag is heavy..The day you said you promise to love me, till death do us apart..The day you signed our marriage certificate..The day i found out the secrets...to the day, that i'm losing my own baby..
I'm a straight person..once it's over, it's over..i never thought of considering second chance, because it never works. This once, hurts enough..i won't be able to take it anymore if the second time happens...neither am i going to let our baby suffer. I don't want baby everyday to hear our quarrel and see us crying..
For this one year, i'm still thankful of how you treat me and pamper me..and love(?) me. For letting me to live in this fairytale..Now it's over. I hope i will never dream of you or think of you again..you're like a nightmare in my life..I hope you will move on with life..I won't see you again, and you won't see me again. I hate to say this but...bye for us.
I visited my doctor 2days ago..and told her everything..She's very sad to hear that because i told her, i wanted an abortion. Though she tried to persuade me, i've made up my mind. My abortion is on 27th June, Saturday 8.30am. I really feel like ending my life..I murder my own, very first baby. I know i'm selfish for not giving baby a chance to live. But i can't have a baby without a daddy. And knowing his daddy had an affair outside just before our wedding. I'm really sorry baby.
Last night, i talked to Joe's family with his presence. Explained to them..and his family scolded him like serious fcuking shit. His mummy cried..and apologized to me. It wasn't her fault..what must she say sorry to me for the sake of his son? It's pointless. Even Joe ran after me, after i left..i told him i can't carry on with him anymore..It's my first time seeing him cry that he coudlnt breathe a word..If he really love me, why did he even got involved with Celine and took her virgin? I returned him the ring..and our house keys.
I went back home, and told my sister about it first..Shes angry at Joe at first..then cried with me..I made so many people cried..Went into daddy's room and tell him and mummy..Daddy called him up and want Joe to explain..but he was still crying..Daddy and mummy scolded him too..my sister scolded him as well..But thankfully i have such wonderful family :) Daddy and mummy is willing me to go for abortion and cancel the whole damn fcuking thing.
After abortion, my family and i will be moving to Sydney. And i might not be coming back again..This little island is full of hatreds and tears. I had to leave, no matter what...
//
This might be my last post talking about Joe. I know he will read this.
From the day i met you, from the day we've been together. One whole year, i thought we will be happy parents watching our baby grow for the next few years. The day you came all the way from your work just to fetch me, because its raining heavily. The day you came with all the food when i told you i havent had my dinner.. The day you rushed from your work knowing that i was admitted to Hospital..The day you came to fetch me to school knowing my bag is heavy..The day you said you promise to love me, till death do us apart..The day you signed our marriage certificate..The day i found out the secrets...to the day, that i'm losing my own baby..
I'm a straight person..once it's over, it's over..i never thought of considering second chance, because it never works. This once, hurts enough..i won't be able to take it anymore if the second time happens...neither am i going to let our baby suffer. I don't want baby everyday to hear our quarrel and see us crying..
For this one year, i'm still thankful of how you treat me and pamper me..and love(?) me. For letting me to live in this fairytale..Now it's over. I hope i will never dream of you or think of you again..you're like a nightmare in my life..I hope you will move on with life..I won't see you again, and you won't see me again. I hate to say this but...bye for us.